Good News, Bad News

I write when I can, okay? I'm clearly not sticking to this once a week thing, so deal.

The last few weeks have been interesting. I've surprisingly been able to hang out with some people, and managed to finally get some good news in my life. For those who have been following, the law suit between me and my former landlord has finally been dropped. Of course, I have to pay them $1100 still, but it's better than the $4,000 they wanted. Someone who works for the bigger corporation that owns the complex got in touch with me and asked to speak to me about the case. She seemed genuinely confused about how the case had gotten this far and wanted to hear all of the details from my side. I got the impression it was the first she'd ever heard of it. She told me that when I gave my notice to move out, the property was in the middle of switching hands, which I predicted. She also told me I deserved much better customer service than I had gotten and apologized for that. She was confused about where the amount owed came from, since she said that even if I had paid rent until the unit was re-rented, I wouldn't have owed as much as they were asking me for. They were not only charging me for rent up until September (I moved out in June), but they were charging me late fees and utilities as well, which makes no sense at all. So, long story short, as promised, she "made it all go away." All that's left now is to sign the agreement and pay, and it's a done deal. Thank goodness.

I also recently met up with a friend from grad school. He's recently divorced and moving to Nashville. I remember him reaching out to me after my divorce and asking me some things. He suspected he was in for the same fate. And he was. We talked a lot about that when we met up. It's always interesting to talk to someone on the other side of things. See, in my divorce I was the one who had found someone else before things were finalized. In his case, his wife was the one. We both got a lot out of hearing things from the other perspective. He said a lot of things that I had thought about myself, and a lot of things that I had wondered if my ex had ever thought about. Just as I was the one in my marriage who did everything, he was the one who did it all for her. The cooking, the cleaning, the money management. He lamented the fact that she never told him that that wasn't what she wanted. He was doing everything for her, but he wasn't doing the things she wanted him to do. That made me think. I was doing everything for my ex, but I never stopped to make sure those were the things he wanted me to do. I did what I thought was expected. And so did he. Marriage 101: always communicate. He also told me that she reached out to him several months after they officially split telling him that she finally understood everything he had done for her. That was a courtesy I was never given. But, I always wondered if he did. I always wondered how much he floundered when finally left on his own. How many bills got paid late, or not at all? How gross was his condo, because he just didn't take the time to clean it? I never expected him to tell me he finally appreciated it, but I always wondered if he figured it out. Like I mentioned before, though, he's happy now, and that makes me happy. That was the whole point of the split. I'm glad he found someone. And I'm glad that she can clearly give him what I never could. We both deserve the happiness we've finally found.

I'm worried about things, though. Mostly, the future of this country. Ben and I often talk about the fact that this country will eventually be a third world country, and no one will care. The rich will still be rich, but those of us who live paycheck to paycheck will be the ones starving. Too many jobs are being sent overseas. Too many jobs are being lost to the world of the internet. (Stop shopping online!!!) I've had so many conversations lately about how Amazon is killing the publishing industry (please research it before you argue with me. You're wrong). But, I truly believe the internet has destroyed this economy, and I believe it will continue to do so. "No, no, the internet created jobs." Yes, it did. But for every job it created, how many did it destroy? Amazon created jobs, because there are people who need to work in the warehouse and process orders. But, how many retail stores went out of business because of that? How many thousands lost the only job they could get? I have a masters degree and I can't find a real, permanent, full-time job. There are people worse off than me. It's only going to get worse. When do we all start taking responsibility for what's happening? The rich don't care about the lower classes. They don't. They will continue to be rich no matter what happens to the rest of us. Because we're the ones paying them. It's those of us at the bottom of the totem pole, those of us who are pinching pennies and struggling to make ends meet who need to step up. We need to watch out for each other. We need to help each other, and encourage each other, and fight for the things that are being taken from us because we weren't born with trust funds. I always wanted kids. Badly. I still do. But, I think about what kind of future they might have and I wonder if I should. If things are this bad for us, what will it be like for the next generation? Will there be any jobs at all? What will they do? How will they live? My mind has been shifting a lot to adoption. Instead of bringing another child into this world who doesn't have a chance, perhaps I should just choose to love one who is already here and needs a better chance than what they have (even if it's not much better). I don't know. Everything is a mess, and it's depressing.

I want to leave the country. I've told Ben as much, but his response was, "it's impossible to find a job in another country." I said it can't be harder than it is here. And if all of our jobs are being sent overseas, I would imagine it's much easier to find one there. He wants to move to Switzerland, but he thinks it'd be too much to pack up our lives at this point. All I said to him was, "I'll follow you anywhere." I hate it here anymore. And with the rise of Hitler II, it's only going to get worse. We're ruining ourselves. We're ruining it for the future generations. For our children, and their children. This used to be a country to be proud of. The land of opportunity. What the hell is it now? I had to completely purge my Facebook page, because I just can't deal with the amount of intolerance there is. Most of my family has been removed, because it makes me too sad to see what their political beliefs are. How can people I'm related to have so much intolerance and bigotry? Where does that come from? I removed all the news sites I followed, because I couldn't handle the comments on them, and I couldn't be trusted not to read them. I got rid of everything, unless it was publishing news (for jobs), and musical acts pages, so I know when they're touring. I'm just done. I'm disgusted. I'm depressed. I'm sad. I want to run away and leave all of this behind, but I know it's not that easy. You can't leave it behind. But, it all just feels too big to fix. Help each other, people. That's all we can do.