4 weeks

I will not be making this public for a few more weeks, but we are officially expecting again. For some silly reason, I had begun to believe that it wouldn't happen for us, despite the fact that it's only been a few months since we started trying again. I was convinced I was now completely infertile and that I was getting too old. Just this past week, on Saturday, I had convinced myself that it's "for the best" if I'm not pregnant this month, because we're moving. Two weeks from tomorrow, we are moving to a beautiful townhouse in Chester Springs. It's been a long road to get there, and expensive as hell, but I can't wait to be out of this apartment in this cluttered town. There are three bedrooms, two window seats, massive closets, an enormous kitchen, and an awesome basement that we have plans to finish soon. BUT, who knows if we'll be able to afford that now. The pressure is on, for sure. I am terrified. I'm nervous. I'm anxious.

I got a positive test on Sunday, the same day my period was due. I had convinced myself this time that I wasn't pregnant. I didn't want to get my hopes up and start planning, and getting nervous if there was no reason for any of it. But, when my period didn't come by Sunday night, I had to take a test to ease my mind. I had taken one five says prior, which came back negative, but it was clearly too soon. This one was pretty clearly positive:

It was a bit anti-climactic in our house. Unlike the last time, we had been actively trying. We were not surprised, we were not shocked. I showed the test to Ben and asked "how many lines do you see?" He said, "One. Or two...are you pregnant?" And I said, "Depending on that second line, I think so." The second line showed up much clearer within minutes. I asked if he was excited. He said yes. I asked if he was happy. He said yes. But, let's not make this all rainbows and candy canes: We're terrified. 

I called the doctor's office on Monday (yesterday) to make an appointment. No one answered at first, so I left a message, stating that I wanted to make an appointment with Dr. D, that I thought I was pregnant, and that I wanted to come in to confirm and get some guidance from the doctor. I got a return phone call an hour or so later from the nurse. She set up the appointment for the next day, and then asked me how far along I was. My initial thought was: How the hell should I know?? That's why I'm setting up an appointment! But, I answered, "I don't know, a couple weeks." To which she very snarkily answered, "We don't like to set up appointments that early, Kim." I CANNOT STAND WHEN PEOPLE DROP MY NAME LIKE THAT! The only reason to do that is to talk down to someone. Don't talk to me like I'm a child. This isn't my first rodeo. And if you had listened to my message or checked my file AT ALL, you would know why I'm making an appointment "that early." In any case, I somehow calmly explained to her that I'm considered high risk this time and was instructed by the doctor to call as soon as I got a positive test. She relented.

Now, today, Tuesday, I have had my first appointment. Since it is so early, there was no ultrasound, or heartbeat check, or any physical examination. I spoke to the doctor and asked my list of questions:

1. Are there any restrictions: diet, sex, travel, lifting, exercise?

No, but if I want to get out of that work trip I'm supposed to take, he can arrange that. :)

2. What are the chances of repeat pre-eclampsia?

Higher than average, but likely not as early as the previous one. And now that we know what caused it, perhaps not at all.

3. What should I be looking for? 

Rapid weight gain, swelling, get an at-home blood pressure cuff.

4. What can I do to prevent it?

We are doing what we need to be doing with the aspirin and the injections. (The injections will not be started for a few more days, two weeks at the most)

5. What will be done/monitored differently this time?

A LOT. Ultrasounds every 4 weeks for the first 20 weeks or so. After 30 weeks, appointments twice a week. We already know I'll be on the shots, and if I request, I can come in even more to be checked.

6. How likely are we to lose this one too?

Again, higher than average, but now that we know what caused the first one, the chances are lower.

7. Will I get that sick again?

Hopefully not!

8. How often will appointments/ultrasounds be?

Already answered.

9. How likely is early delivery?

That all depends on the growth of the baby. We may get to exactly 37 weeks (full-term) and decide to induce, because the chances of something going wrong after that increase. (37 weeks puts us right around Christmas!)

10. Will I need to be induced/have a C-section?

Yet to be determined. Again, all depends on the baby's growth and how healthy I am. 

I am officially 4 weeks today. Due date is January 12, 2020. I asked in the beginning what the chances of a Christmas baby are and he responded, "I'll be very happy if we get you that far." So, highly likely...?

In any case, the doctor seems really positive. He is confident that we are doing everything right and that we are on the right track for a healthy pregnancy and full-term baby. This eases my mind a little, but does not make me less nervous about the process. Also, how the hell are we going to afford a new house and a new baby? 

Life happens quickly, and I am incredibly unprepared. But, how lucky I am.