Hell Hath No Fury

Some of you may have noticed that I haven't been on Facebook in a few days. If you haven't noticed, then good for you, you don't pay that much attention to me. I won't speak that much on that, but I'll let you know that I am logging back on simply to post this blog and then I'm gone again. I can't stand it anymore. I can't stand seeing how truly, truly terrible some people are. But, I do believe that the stuff in this blog needs to be seen. So, here it is.

This one is for the people I know who voted for Donald Trump. Mainly, the members of my family (which is pretty much every single one of them) who voted for him. Now, look, this isn't about politics. I don't care what you believe in. What I do care about is what you just voted to have taken away from me. As your niece, cousin, sister, daughter, you have voted for someone who wants to take so many things away from me. Not only as a woman, but as a human being.

For those who voted for him because of his plans for Planned Parenthood, let me tell you a story (yes, I will be throwing a family member under the bus for this one). The summer I turned twenty, I was getting ready to transfer to West Chester University, where I would be living for the first time away from home. It wasn't far, but it was out of my comfort zone. At this point in my life, I had been with my (now) ex for three years. In terms of our relationship, we were solid. I wasn't worried about where that was going. But, let's be honest, we were kids. About a month before I was to move into my new apartment, I got my period. And then it was gone. I had only gotten it for a day, and then it was gone for another two weeks. After a few days, I was worried, so I asked my mom if that was normal. She asked if I was worried about it and I said, "yeah, a little bit." See, what I meant was that I was worried about it because it was strange. What she meant was if I was worried about being pregnant. So, that answer sent her into a frenzy. From that point on, nothing I said to her could convince her that I wasn't some irresponsible idiot who didn't know how to prevent a pregnancy. So, feeling frustrated, alone, and scared, I confided in my two best friends at the time. They picked up a pregnancy test, drove me to one of their houses, and locked me in the bathroom until it was taken. The second the single line showed up, I dropped it in the trash with relief. And then...I began overthinking it. What if I'd thrown it out too quickly and the second line had appeared later? What if it was wrong? So, those friends, God love 'em, drove me to Planned Parenthood. There, I took another pregnancy test and sat with a woman who asked me questions. She asked me if I used protection 100% of the time and I said yes, I did. But, things happen. Condoms break, or fall off, or just don't work the way they're supposed to. While I was there, another girl called and the woman speaking with me answered the phone. I obviously didn't hear the other side of the conversation, but I could tell that on the other end of that phone was a girl just like me who was scared, because the answers included "yes, technically you can get pregnant while you're on your period." Thankfully, I wasn't pregnant. And I was able to go somewhere where someone would listen to me without judgement to find that out. I was able to go somewhere where they would talk to me discreetly, where they would sit down with me and give me individual attention, and answer my questions without belittling me. At a time when I was scared and couldn't talk to my mother (who pressed me for weeks, saying "are you pregnant or not, because I already paid your tuition?"), I was able to go somewhere and get the answers I needed. 

That is what your tax dollars pay for. That, and cancer screenings, and gynecological exams for women who can't afford them, or who don't have insurance. Do you know what your tax dollars don't pay for? Abortions. How do I know this? Because I know people who have had them. They're expensive. And they come out of the pocket of the woman choosing to have the abortion. Zero percent of government money goes towards abortions. So, if that's what you voted for, you did it for nothing. All you did was take peace of mind away from young women looking for answers, and affordable care for women who can't get it anywhere else.

On that note, you don't get to judge someone who has an abortion. You don't get to take that choice away from us. Look, I get it. It's taking a life. I believe that too. However, regardless of the law, or your opinion, or your religious beliefs, women will always seek abortions. Making them illegal will only guarantee that they do that dangerously. Why do women get abortions? Well, surely because they're irresponsible and don't use birth control. False. In most cases, women get abortions because there is something wrong with the baby, or because her own life is in danger. Obviously, there are women who seek them because they are irresponsible. I know one. And I don't agree with her decision, because I know the situation, but that isn't for me to decide. 

I also know several women who have gotten pregnant on birth control. I know a woman who got pregnant at twenty-one (for the second time) while using an IUD. I also know a woman who got pregnant (again, for the second time) while on the pill. I know women who have gotten pregnant while using condoms. Nothing is 100%, except abstinence, which we all know is unrealistic. And you know what, even if these women had been abstaining, what if they had been raped? And this is the part where I talk to the parents here, especially those with daughters. What if your daughter went out one night, just to the movies with her friends, and on the way home, she stopped for gas, or for a drink at Wawa, or McDonald's. And let's say that, on her way back to her car, she was jumped and brutally raped. And let's say that, as a result of that rape, she became pregnant. By voting for a man who plans to overturn Roe v. Wade, you are guaranteeing that that poor, completely innocent girl must carry that unwanted and violently conceived child to term, which is neither fair to her nor the child. Would you want that for your child? Not only is that unbelievably traumatic, but think about how you judge young, unmarried mothers. Does she deserve that stigma? Does she deserve to walk around with that for the rest of her life, on top of the horrible way that child was conceived? How could you subject the women you love to that kind of thing? And yes, it does happen. It happens a lot. 

Or further, what about the woman (or girl) who is raped by a family member. I've lost count of the number of women I know who were raped by an uncle, or brother, or step-father, etc. It's astronomical. Those women can get pregnant too. Do they deserve to carry that with them? Do they deserve to be forced to bring a child into this world who was created through violence, and hatred, and fear? Does that child deserve to live knowing that that's how it was conceived, and that it was never wanted? What kind of life is that for either of those people?

This part is for those of you who voted to have the Affordable Care Act repealed. My first point leads to the above rant. Under the Affordable Care Act, birth control is 100% free. Yes, I know, why should women get to have sex with no consequences for free? Well, for starters, not all women take it to prevent pregnancy. I know a woman who was a virgin until the day she married, and she took birth control for years before that. Why? Because, sometimes, getting your period is actually really, really horrible. Sometimes it comes with physical and mental side effects that our bodies can't handle (look up PMDD). Sometimes, we need it to control our monthly cycle so that we can live a normal life and function like a regular human being. That will be gone now. Fine. Doesn't need to be free. We can pay for it, like all of our other prescriptions. But, then why vote to make abortions illegal too? You voted for both of these things, forcing us to not only conceive a child we don't want, but to carry it to term and deliver it as well. Where are our options? Where is our choice? Especially when so many men have no problem making the child, but can't stick around to raise it. Why does all of that fall on women? 

That matter aside, you voted to take my health insurance away. Are you listening, family?  The ones who hug me and kiss me and tell me they love me every holiday and birthday and family gathering. You. You are the ones who have just voted to have my health care taken away. Because, see, for the last year and a half, I've been using the Affordable Care Act to get health insurance. Why? Because I can't get it elsewhere. You see, I have a pre-existing condition that insurance companies are legally allowed to deny me coverage for. What is this terrible condition that makes me unfit for healthcare? Acid reflux. Yup. Since I can't eat spicy foods, or have too much caffeine or chocolate, but am perfectly able to treat this with mediation that is available over the counter, I can be denied healthcare. The Affordable Care Act made sure that didn't happen. But, now that it is going to be repealed thanks to your vote, I won't get to have insurance at all. And for those who think it needs to be repealed because "the premiums are high and the coverage sucks," you can go fuck yourself. The insurance companies make those decisions, not the president. If you want that to change, go after the right people. I was told by a Trump supporter that if I want healthcare I should work for it, instead of expecting hand outs. To that person, I say the biggest and loudest fuck you I've ever mustered. I have had a job since I was fourteen years old. Aside from two months in college, I have never been 100% unemployed. I spent several years of my life working more than one job, so I could save for the things I wanted. For most of that, I was insured either through my mom or through one of my jobs. This last year and a half, I worked three jobs at once, for a grand total of $30,000 annually (which is an estimate, since the W2s are still rolling in). My health insurance cost $276 a month, and included only annual check-ups. If those check-ups found something wrong with me, all subsequent appointments were not covered. Useless. So, you know what? Yes, the coverage sucked. But, at least I was able to get some. By repealing the ACA, you have guaranteed that someone with a pre-existing condition will not be able to be insured. Let me give you another example. Ben's stepdad was diagnosed with Leukemia, and then was subsequently laid off. Because Ben's mom only worked part-time, they lost their health insurance. And now had chemotherapy bills to pay. Because of this, they had to sell their beautiful Victorian home and move into a small house that was not big enough for the family, just to help pay for the medical bills. Now, years later, he still can't work full-time, as his strength never fully returned. Because of this, Ben's mom has to work three jobs, including one overnight, just to make ends meet, and get them health insurance. She is nearly sixty years old, and does back-breaking work to provide for her family. DO NOT, for the slightest fraction of an instant, assume that people who want affordable healthcare are lazy, or are looking for handouts. DON'T. Most of them are hard-working people who have had shit luck in life and just need a break. Most of them work unbelievably hard just to keep a roof over their own heads. You voted to take that away from them. So again, fuck you.

I will not "calm down." I will not "let it go." I will not "get over it." Because this shit is personal, and it effects everyone. There is not a single person you know who has not been effected by both of these issues in some way (I'm not even touching on the obvious First Amendment violations, or the complete disregard for humanity...you all know what I'm talking about). These are two issues out of many. And the only reason I chose to focus on those is because they're personal. Everyone else has their own, different reasons.

I thought I'd be able to get over this stuff. I thought I'd eventually be able to come to terms with it and just deal with whatever came about. But, the more I see family members celebrating this, the more people I learn who voted for him, the more I'm told to stop being a "Liberal snowflake" or to stop looking for handouts, the angrier I get. These are people who are supposed to support me. These are people who are supposed to have my best interests at heart. But, they don't. They don't care how this turns out for me. They don't care what rights get taken from me or my future children (if I even bother having any at this point...though, I probably won't have a choice soon). They were able to walk into that voting booth and vote for a man whose entire platform oppresses me and people like me. They are able to look at me, and talk to me, and feel okay about the decision they helped make for this country. Some of them are people who I've struggled to feel accepted by my entire life. Some of them are people I have always disagreed with, but was able to put it aside. Some of them are people who I've counted on, relied on, depended on, and sought comfort from my whole life. And I've never felt more alone. This isn't political anymore. This is personal. And scary. And depressing as hell. I can't shake it. I can't get rid of the gloominess that has been hanging over me since last Friday. I can't see it anymore and keep my sanity. I can't know anymore who these people are who care so little about me. I can't.