Voices from the Future

I made the (purposeful) mistake of telling Sophie that I made a goal to write once a week. She's making me stick to it. So, her assignment for this week was to write a letter to myself to be opened on April 1, 2003, two months before my high school graduation. Yes, we're believing in time travel for this one. I've sat on this assignment for about a week now, thinking about what to say, trying to remember where I was in my life at that time. So, here goes.

Dear Kim 2003,
It's you from the future. 2016, to be exact. I won't go into where you are in your life right now, but I will tell you that it's not where you thought you'd be. It's not where you wanted to be. And if I know you (which I obviously do), you're sitting there thinking, "screw you, what do you know?" I have advice for you. Two words: expect more. Expect more from yourself. Expect more from your friends. Expect more from your school, and your relationship.

You've been with R for about 10 months now. Listen to me. You're miserable. You deserve better. The reason you're not where you thought you'd be at 30? Because of him. Don't give up your dreams for him. Don't. Pick the college you want, not the one that will keep you close to him. Accept the job offers that might tear you apart, because you deserve them, and you worked for them, and a better offer probably won't come (it never did). If you want to move to New York, because you think that will get you where you want to go in your career, do it. R won't follow, but you'll find someone else who will encourage you, and support you, and be there for you.

Take school more seriously. Yes, I said that. You said that. In the grand scheme of things, high school doesn't matter, but college does. Major in English. Don't waste your time with those other useless majors that you're considering. English is what you love. It's what you're good at (despite what your grades show). It's where your passion is. And it will lead you to opportunities that you never expected.

Believe in yourself. Have confidence in your accomplishments, in your work ethic, in your talent. But, don't be too stubborn. Sometimes, your mom is right (I know, I know, I'm sorry). If something doesn't feel right, it's not. If something seems too good to be true, go for it anyway - you've got nothing to lose. You know how you can't wait to grow up and have a house and a family? Yeah, slow down with that. It's not all it's cracked up to be. Take your time. Don't get tied down to one place, one choice, one way. You have a lot to offer and you're wasting it with self-doubt and silly teenage love.

Now I'll tell you the parts you want to hear. Yes, you do marry R. And you buy a house. But, it ends in divorce after a year and results in a foreclosure. Why? Because you discover that there's more. There's more to life. There's more to love.

Keep learning. Keep dreaming. Keep reaching. Imagine who you want to be, and where you want to be, and become that person. Use your connections where you can. Never be afraid to reach out. Never be afraid to ask for advice. There is an entire world that you know nothing about, and unless you stretch that safety bubble, you'll never see it. Spread your wings. Don't be afraid of taking on too much. Be afraid of not doing enough. I'd like to tell you you'll get where you want to go someday, but that's up to you. Take the time to learn about yourself, and maybe in thirteen years, I'll be writing a different letter.

Oh, and see a doctor. You've got undiagnosed depression and it's making everything I've said above nearly impossible to do. You'll thank me later. :)

Stay cool,
Kim 2016